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11 Steps to Get Over your Ex

11 Steps to Get Over your Ex

Whenever a significant relationship comes to an end, we undergo a separation process that can take some time and lots of energy, based on how deep the connection between the partners was and how fast we learn, integrate and release everything that we experienced.

The process involves thinking about the relationship, hoping for a “getting back together” moment and missing our ex-partner. We remember and analyze the beautiful and less beautiful moments, “what could have been if” and how we and them could change in order to fulfill our expectations about the relationship. All this and more are part of this process.

No matter how much we want to escape, these thoughts and emotions need to be felt, need to be seen and acknowledged for whatever they have to show us. In this resides our key to healing and better relationships for the future.

There are many relationship therapists and coaches that can guide us when we feel ready to reach out, however, they cannot understand our lessons and remove the process completely out of the way for us. We are responsible for that ourselves!

That’s where this article comes in handy. In my experience, there are a lot of approaches and mindsets to ease the process of separation. Here are 10 of the ones that helped to accelerate my own growth:

1. STAY SINGLE FOR AS MUCH AS NEEDED

Many people tend to jump straight into another relationship. This will only make you repeat the same patterns and probably hurt your new partner as well. You would certainly not wish that…

We do this often because we feel empty after a breakup and we might search for others who can fill the gap. 

Take full responsibility for your situation and try not to get involved in another relationship or sexual affair.

In rare cases, we’ll be ready for a new relationship right away. Especially if the separation process was not intense or we ended up on friendly terms with our ex-partner. This can be easily recognized when the thought of your ex-partner doesn’t create any pain, regret, hope or suffering within you. Rather, it creates a feeling of unconditional love, forgiveness, and thankfulness.

2. LOVE YOURSELF AND BE SELFISH ABOUT IT

If we don’t love ourselves, we cannot function at our full potential, we have difficulties aligning with the rhythm of life and most importantly, we don’t truly know how to love others.

Nothing is more important than concentrating your attention on yourself during this time. Spend a lot of time doing the things that you love and only say yes to hanging out with friends when you genuinely feel like it. People might not understand your process, so open up to them on why you are doing this, but don’t people please. Those who care for you will make room to understand you.

3. IMPROVE SOMETHING IN YOUR DAILY LIFE

This is the perfect time to quit something you’ve always wanted to quit or to improve the skills you’ve always wanted to improve, but didn’t have the motivation to do so or your partner was not supporting the idea.

Important here is to do something only for yourself, for your own wellbeing. I personally chose to eat healthier during this time and to pay attention to my body signals, how my body functions and what it needs. It changed my life.

4. BE CONSCIOUS OF WHAT YOU EAT

Avoid sweets, sugar, heavy foods, processed foods, alcohol, etc., which can lower your energy in the long run just for the short relief of a temporary boost of endorphins. Eat more fruits and vegetables, that increase your energy level and help you go through the day and function much better.

5. TAKE CARE OF YOUR HEART

Take long baths, long walks in nature, listen to relaxing music, calm your mind with meditations (check out our exclusive guided meditations on this topic) or enjoy whatever else brings you closer to your heart and the present moment.

6. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY

Food is not enough. Your body needs to move, especially because with physical activity, you move stagnant energies inside of your body and begin to release them. Also, your mind will feel more oxygenated and relaxed, so that you will gain more clarity. Dancing, running, bicycling, yoga or any other sport or movement will do.

7. IF YOU FEEL TO SPEND TIME WITH PEOPLE, CHOOSE THOSE WHO ARE SUPPORTIVE AND UNDERSTANDING

We all need good-hearted friends in our lives. If you want to be surrounded by people, make sure they have a good heart, are able to listen, understand and support you.

This is also a perfect time to clear things up with the people you care about but who happened to hurt you or whom you hurt in the past.

Instead of being bitter because of what happened to you, choose every single day to open your heart a bit more and let love find you again.

 8. REFRESH YOUR ENVIRONMENT

A breakup is a perfect opportunity to redecorate, reorganize, renovate and get rid of things, especially those that remind you of your ex and you don’t really need.

After you cleared the space where you spend the most time, add your authentic touch to it, whatever makes you feel comfortable and inspires relaxation. At the end, your space should feel like your own personal sanctuary.

 9. CELEBRATE A NEW BEGINNING

When we are deeply involved in a separation process we often don’t realize that some unpleasant things happen in order to make room for better ones. If you have the possibility and you are excited about new beginnings, start your life from scratch and celebrate it.

Change your wardrobe, your dreams and goals especially those involving him/her, move into a new apartment or even to a new country, if you feel like it. Important is to see this opportunity as a celebration for a new you, a different you that you are excited to get to know.

Here we have an inspiring example of how our lovely Cristina, celebrated her new beginning after divorce.

10. ALLOW YOURSELF TO FEEL THE INTENSITY OF IT

Allow yourself to be emotional. Cry, be angry, scream and feel the intensity of all your feelings and thoughts but be aware that you are not those emotions, they are just running through you in order to release the old you.

If you feel that you can’t let go of whatever happens within you, then don’t, be patient! Whatever seems to stay longer than you expected, means that it has to. It still has something to teach you. So open up to it, feel it, embrace it, love it even!

11. EMBRACE LOVE EVEN MORE AND LEARN WHO YOU TRULY ARE

Try to understand what the whole experience was about and show up for love even more. If you still love your ex-partner deeply, then love them. You might have to love them forever. After all, you did learn a lot through being with them.

If it’s love indeed, you will always care about them. We are powerful beings and one of our powers is to learn how to expand our love.

Don’t close yourself up and don’t build walls around you. When the time is right, you will understand why you have gone through all of this. Love is not responsible for our suffering. Love is just a frequency and whether we embrace it fully or not, it is up to us.

Give yourself time. You will heal and feel love again. And it will be because you emanate love and be ready to give and receive more of it. More than you have ever imagined to be possible… Trust!

Written by Alex from YOUniverse Revival Community

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