Co-dependency is a condition found in relationships of any kind, especially romantical. It is called co-dependency when one person relies on the other for a sense of approval or identity. It manifests like a form of addiction.
On my journey, I experienced co-dependency situations quite a lot. So I’m going to share with you today what I’ve learned from it and how I managed to dissolve this pattern in my life.
I have been raised only by my mother and I didn’t have a father figure or a male role model in my life until I was 10 years old. In our innocence, as children, we don’t really understand what happens with us and why. Whatever type of emotion flows through us in those early years of life, we embody as truth and tend to see the world through it as we grow up.
WHAT CREATED THE CO-DEPENDENCY PATTERN
Feeling rejected by my father and never acknowledged as his son, automatically created a pattern of “I am not good enough”. My mother loved me and offered all the support I needed and wanted, but somewhere deep down, my inner child was still hurting and still wanted to belong to a “complete” family, especially because it was hard to be socially accepted back then. I felt it at every step and particularly among my classmates at school.
This alone generated for me a sort of addictive behavior. It showed up every time I was involved in romantic relationships. I was losing myself and my identity, it somehow merged with the person I was with. Why? They showed me that I am good enough and I wanted it to last forever.
My mother’s behavior towards the man that entered her life when I was 10 years old was also one of co-dependency. They were together for 17 years. So I figured that this is how life has to be, right? Waiting to be saved, accepted and relying on another, otherwise, we are never complete or good enough.
If you think about it, this is mostly how we are raised to believe. All those fairytales, childhood stories, movies and almost everything in this world
I am thankful that my mother managed to raise me freely and offered me all the support I needed. At the end the co-dependency pattern was my responsibility, I had to understand it myself so I could heal.
THIS IS WHEN IT ALL STARTED TO CHANGE…
Although I experienced a profound inner transformation back in 2013, the pattern of co-dependency was still giving me trouble. Almost all my romantic relationships, before and after this transformation, were more or
I started to analyze myself and be aware of the fact that I never really felt good about myself. Especially not for long periods of time. I could live with myself for days, without a partner, being completely alone or surrounded by friends. Yet, after a while, I was always seeking for someone or something that would offer me validation, the “I am good enough” dope.
Observing this pattern for months, made me realize how much it influenced and blocked the natural flow of life and joy into my life. The more I observed and chose not to surrender to my mind’s impulse for validation, the faster I healed. I could accept and love myself. Slowly I was happy again, just by being me, without the need to confirm it through another.
What happened next was amazing! People came into my life for a different reason. There were no patterns of validation, of emotional attachment or repetitive cycles. They simply came to share their presence, gifts, creations and time with me. I felt a sense of freedom and liberation that I never truly sensed before.
Everything changed in time and with patience, as I realized that the only person I need to live with, forgive and make peace with, was myself.
Whatever story I have been through and believed about myself, was eventually, not what I am. I understood that I am not only worthy to live a free and joyful life, but I will do whatever it takes in order to allow it to happen.
SOMEONE TO BLAME?
No, on the contrary, there is only everyone and everything to be thankful for. Our parents did what they could with what they had and knew. It is very clear to me that we live in times of deep transformation on a consciousness level. We need to deal with our human “problems”. Pointing the finger is just going to keep us in the same repetitive cycle.
In fact, those of us who fall as victims of our circumstances and surroundings, have the responsibility to heal ourselves. Forgiveness and compassion for ourselves first, then for others. This is my “how to”. I observe myself constantly and the world around me and keep learning,
The true sense of belonging is in the depth of my being. The essence of what you and I are and the fact that we are part of the whole
Written by Alex from YOUniverse Revival Community